FEED ME! (Becoming an Adventurer Part I)

I spend a lot of time in video stores. I have probably spent hours upon hours in them; perhaps even as much time as a stay at home parent might spend at their local grocery store. This never struck me as abnormal until a day ago.

After 3 fun filled weeks with family and friends, the last week of my winter break was upon me and my family had all but returned to their everyday routine. Dad was back at work, the girls were headed out of town and my mom and her own dad were headed on a short holiday to DC. For the first time in 3 whole weeks I was going to be on my own again. Naturally I didn’t want to spend the majority of the next 48 hours alone in a big empty house, so I hit the town.

In between lunch and heading to a movie theater, I stopped in an FYE (For Your Entertainment). It is one of the largest I have ever been in, and I used to frequent it when I was a permanent fixture of the Hampton Roads area. Upon walking in I stopped and felt suddenly overwhelmed. It might have been that I was tired, or maybe I have just been hypersensitive about entertainment lately; but for whatever reason, when I walked in the door, I lost all desire to look for individual items, whether they were movies, music or video games. I was suddenly looking at the store as a whole, and all I could say was:

“Why?”

Why do we need stores that have as large a variety of movies as we do of food? In fact, there was probably a larger variety of sitcoms on DVD in that store than there are kinds of produce at the Farm Fresh around the corner.

Dizziness overwhelmed me as I realized that I had been part of this. I suck in movies often without thinking. Sure, I keep up a veneer of holiness to hide how much I am consuming, but that is something akin to a man who is 200 pounds overweight telling you that he only eats so much because he wants to tell you what kinds of food are good. He is not a cook, he is not demonstrating that he has actually learned anything about good food or how to make it… only that he enjoys eating and he does it with disregard to how it is effecting him.

The scary thing is that in America the way food and movies are sold and consumed is not so different anymore. A shiny, glossy cover can make a tidy little profit whether it’s carrots or Caddyshack. People buy Ho Hos and porn for the same reason… they taste good, even if they both make you feel like you want to vomit an hour after consumption. What is scarier is that an HBO show can now become “critically acclaimed” simply by containing gratuitous amounts of violence and sex, causing it be suddenly be “edgy” and/or “gritty,” even though underneath all that it is just another soap opera. This has already begun to bleed over into the world of food, with foods that are absolutely crap for you to eat getting actual stickers that proclaim that they have received awards like “BEST TASTING” or “CHIEFS’ CHOICE AWARD.” Yes… things are getting that ridiculous.

Just today I was returning some things to a Best Buy around the corner from me and got suckered into that very “ooh! Shiny!” syndrome that we all fall into so easily in the internet age. Do I not know that Satan is the Prince of Light? Do I not know that covers deceive? “That sin looks so hot!” one might say. And Mark Driscoll might retort: “Yeah… but so is hell.”

Anyway, I had all this money from the returns, so my consumeristic self decided that I show blow the money immediately. On what? Is always the next question. Well, it was new release Tuesday. (Yes, I am so consumed with my need for new stuff that I know that in the USA new movies, music and books are always released on Tuesdays.) The new HBO show Boardwalk Empire had just been released on DVD and a free preview of the show Game of Thrones came with it for a limited time. The covers looked pretty, Steve Buscemi was in it, it had won 8 Emmys. It must be good… right? RIGHT?

Well, I bought it and took it home, only to look up the content rating in IMDB. The show was filled with foul language… more than most R rated movies contain, full frontal nudity (male and female), and buckets of blood and brain bashing. On an HBO show? No way? You’ve gotta be joking! (/sarcasm)

I promptly went back and returned the DVD set and got the movie Moon instead, which I had actually been looking for for months and which was nowhere near an impulse buy. It still might have been better had I simply returned Boardwalk Empire and walked right out of the store, but there you have it.

And now I’m sitting here still thinking, “Why? Why has this been so important to me? How on earth did I let my standards drop so much? I almost exposed myself to… ick.”

And then I think a little bit more and I realize that I have been living vicariously through storytellers… like many of my peers have. We are too afraid to have our own adventures, so we watch other peoples’. And suddenly I come to a simple and yet monumental conclusion: it is time for me to have my own adventure.

Capital

Politics scare me… so does the internet, put them together and what have you got? Bibity-bobity-bad-news.

Explanation: I don’t remember WHY I did this, but for some reason I decided to “become a fan” of “being conservative” on Facebook. Yes, I realize now how horrid that sentence sounds. I cringe at the thought of having to proof read this rant because that means I will have to reread that sentence. I am tempted to blame Obama, but that’s cheap. I jump to extremes, so I suppose that is the best explanation. I “fanned” something as an over reaction, or perhaps because they had some kind of ad or post that resonated with me.

See, this is one of the enormous dangers of modern politics: one side will scare the willies out of you, but then the other side (who are just as scary) tries to mask their scariness by appealing to your fear of the other side. They both do this, so that those poor souls who are NOT fanatically loyal to one side or the other are left flip-flopping in between like some carp drying up in the sun, trying desperately to get back to the cool of the lake.

Now, for those of you who are familiar with the Facebook interface, I’m sure you have seen the “polls for science” that some of the fan pages and Facebook itself post. Well, the other day “Being Conservative” posts this:

The recent story about a homeless man braving a fierce storm to save an American Flag in distress got us thinking about how some others treat the flag. Please vote in the poll below.

Should burning the American flag be a crime?
a) Yes
b) No
c) Other

Allow me to fill in the “other” section:

What the heck!?!?!? Notice the spin that is put on this, you cannot answer this question negatively without feeling like a complete jerk. This is totally slanted, this is called sophistry… this is called “not being able to think for yourself.” Notice the usage of the words “braving,” “fierce storm,” and “distress.” This is no mere homeless man here, this is the arch angel Michael in disguise protecting the holy effigy of America!

Sarcasm aside, my point is this: protecting the flag with this kind of fanaticism is a fine practice if America is your god. You SHOULD worship and protect the honor of your gods. That’s the way we humans are wired. Question science? You’re a heretic. Blaspheme Allah? You get run through with a scimitar. Burn the flag? You are going to be stoned. This is the normal order of things; it happens all the time. I get all offended if someone insults my favorite song… so yeah, I have issues to sort out too.

So no, we should not be surprised at these kinds of reactions. Everyone needs something to worship, step on it and they will kill you. But this brings me to a very important theological point about Christianity. Many seculars believe that Christians embracing both the commands to not murder and to kill those who DO murder or rape or abuse other humans is nonsensical. Ah contrar, frater!

Based on the principle I already mentioned, it makes PERFECT sense. See, one of the basic tenants of Christianity is that we (humans) are created in God’s image, a gift that was not bestowed on any other creature (which is why PETA elevating animals above humans is ridiculous). As such, humans are made in the very image of the God I serve as a Christian, and as such, they are to be held in the highest respect and honor. Killing or raping and hurting a fellow human is to me what burning a flag is to a patriot, or insulting Darwin is to an Evolutionist, or denouncing Allah is to a Muslim. It is a capital offence, it is TOTALLY deserving of death. You have just defaced the greatest image in existence. Your death is the only option.

That doesn’t make this easy. Killing another human, even if they deserve it should NEVER be taken lightly. And killing animals or plants for the heck of it is akin to spitting on a painting by a great artist. I cringe when I see a fish flopping in the bottom of a boat or find a boy about to stomp on a bug. I am not advocating random acts of violence, I am merely trying to shed a little light.

A Tale to Tell

I've read a lot of stories in my day. Probably a lot more than most other 21 year old guys; but I never really started evaluating them until now. I mean, I could say "I like this story," or "I really didn't enjoy that one," but I would be hard pressed to tell you why. I never really evaluated those kinds of things. At least, I never did until I started thinking in terms of the "theology of story."

I came across the idea in my first year of college. It was introduced to me by some folks who shall remain nameless, because I respect them so much. If there is one thing my writing has taught me, it's that it is better to be safe than sorry. I don't want them to be held responsible for the stupid stuff I say. But if the following does sound familiar, you probably already know the men who introduced this idea to me in the first place.

Anyway, freshman year I was still mulling over the idea of how God is in complete control of the universe, and yet... man is still responsible for what he does and will be judged for it. Doesn't make a lot of sense to your average Christian, let alone the average atheist. For the few years before this whole new story idea popped up, I just took it as one of those "secret things" of God; a paradox that I simply needed to embrace and trust was true.

Then the theology of story hit me like a ton of bricks: was the Bard responsible for all the murders in Hamlet? Should he have been executed for writing that play? Of course not, he's the writer! His job was to tell a story and get a point across. Uncultured swine that I am, I could not tell you what the point of Hamlet is, but I'm sure Shakespeare had one in mind.

So, Shakespeare didn't have any problem writing sin and murder and evil characters in his plays, but did that make the characters in the play any less evil? Not at all! The story still judged them for what they did. There was still justice in the story, there was humor, and tears and pain and good plotting.

Now I ask, what is God? WHO is God?? He is the master Storyteller, of course. He is writing the best story of all time. A story where, as one book I read put it: "soldiers and spacemen, cowboys and ninjas, pirates and robots all really do exist!" A story that spans MILLENNIA! A tale of revenge, romance, justice, laughter, epic battle scenes, sweeping adventures, evil villains, and so, so, so much more! It is the most epic tale ever told. Why is there sin and death and evil? Because it makes for a good story. Because God must defeat it. Does the existence of something to be vanquished make God Himself evil? No! It makes Him a good story teller. Who would want to read a story with no villain? I know I wouldn't. If there was no challenge to overcome, if there was no struggle... then the victory at the end would be cheap, it would be meaningless. There would be little glory in it.

And for what did God create everything? He made it for His glory. Telling the most epic story of all time was the best way He saw fit to bring Himself glory. What is our job? As the creed says "to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." And he chose to do that with a story.

Now that I know this, I find that I know why and how to appreciate human stories: because they are little pictures; little imitations of the bigger story. If it accurately depicts the grand tale, although it is more like a crayon drawing on God's cosmic fridge, it is a good story. Human creations that do NOT reflect God's story are lies, and are not to be held up as good representations of art.

An example perhaps? God says "dog." A dog appears. I draw a brown splotch with four leg looking things. God says: "Well done!" Alan Moore, however, draws a black mess with lightning blots and lots of death and blood. God says: "Badly done!"

We both drew messes, there is no mistake in that. But God sees through the mess into our hearts, He sees what we see, and He does not mistake that for something else. He knows if we are viewing His story correctly. He is also the one who gives us the eyes to see the story, cuz... well, we're the characters He's writing. We can only break the fourth wall if he writes us that way.

One last parting thought: the best human depiction of God's story I have yet seen is Les Miserables. It is a beautiful tale and includes nearly every aspect of God's world in it: revenge, grace, redemption, trust, beauty, love and justice. But best of all, it ends in a wedding.

Till next time,
JSTT

Interrupted

I was all settled down to write a nice essay extolling the wonders of Quentin Tarantino’s film making when I was very rudely interrupted by a great big mess in my apartment that resulted in a metric crap ton of laundry and a very angry Josiah.

Long story short, I ended up at the laundry mat at 11:00pm with a lot of laundry, a Bible, some Skittles and a bad attitude. Then it suddenly dawned on me: this is where I should have been the whole time. God had just resorted to some… unconventional means to get me where He wanted me.

Then all I found I could say was “speak Lord. Your servant is listening.”

Don’t worry, I may still assault you all with that Tarantino essay sometime.

JSTT

Not so Glamorous

We all have something to fight for. Everyday, every morning, every night. There are some fights that change from day to day. A job for example may be difficult and you have to overcome the daily challenges that you face there. But jobs often change. One fight that we must fight everyday that we are alive is ourselves. Our own sinful natures that rear their heads at the most inconvenient times.

More often than not we simply want to give up that fight; the fight against self. But as a guy I know that us guys always want something to fight for. That can often take shape in odd ways. One of the most notable ways in modern American culture is by playing video games.

"Huh? What?"

Let me explain. The biggest feature of video game advertised to guys my age are the violent/shoot-em-up games. Halo of course is a wonderful example of this. The Doom games a generation before. Space Invaders the generation before that. Lots of shooting, explosions and flying bits of.... stuff. We're fighting off terrorists, aliens, zombies and demons from hell. And when the women in our lives whine and complain about how we are not fulfilling our duties as men we are confused. "We're fighting off armies for you, don't you see? Can't you understand?"

No, they don't. Because we are fighting for the wrong thing. As men, we are wired to fight. But because we are also wired for laziness, we often fight for the wrong thing; the thing that requires a minimal sacrifice from ourselves. Either that or after realizing that we are fighters, we target the wrong thing as the enemy. Instead of trying to fight the sin nature hidden in the deep dark corners of ourselves, we naturally assume that we ourselves could NEVER be the problem and that it must be those around us: the Church, our parents, the boss, the teacher, the Man, God.

It's time we all reprioritized. We want glorious, glamorous battles to fight. Like the dudes in the video games who can take on hoards of enemy monsters and come our unscathed. There in lies the other thing we long for, a fight without pain or sacrifice. I am very sorry, but that is not possible. There is often very little glamour in the battles we fight. Not only that, but there is blood spilt along the trail, there are broken bones and gnashing of teeth.

I say this as much for my benefit as for your's. But one last thing: we do not fight this fight on our own strength. We fight with the fists of God, the wounds of Christ, and the assurance of the Holy Spirit. And the Trinity does NOT grow weary.

JSTT

Thou Fiend!

"Peacocks succeed reproductively by winning a kind of beauty contest, in which females 'select' the most attractive males. This explanation for the existence of such otherwise useless features undermined the Creationist assumption that the world has been intelligently designed."
-Michael T. Ghiselin, from the introduction to the Dover Thrift Ed. of Darwin's 'On the Origin of Species'

Apparently, if God exists... He's an engineer... not a poet.

Jimmy

We Americans love our unsung heroes; we love rooting for the underdog. We do not, however, like being said unsung hero. We want to be rich and famous. Like Tyler Durden says: “We all want to be rock gods and movies stars, but we won’t. We are slowly learning that fact, and we are very pissed off.”

Shift back about two millennia and several dead languages ago to First Samuel, chapter 14. The Philistines are attacking Israel… again. Think of them as the Viking invader scourge of ancient Mesopotamia, except that they were kind of locals. OK, dropping the metaphor now. Anyway, they were at it again.

Saul has just been crowned king and then promptly depose; both times by the very grumpy sounding and rather snarky prophet Samuel. Saul’s son, Jonathan (who I’m pretty sure was NOT gay! Haven’t you people ever heard of bro-mance? Come on!), on the other hand is kicking butt and taking names. Deciding that the Philistines are getting a little too uppity, Jonathan decides to take the battle behind enemy lines.

So where does this whole “unsung hero” business come into play? Right about now, in fact. Jonathan grabs his personal armor-bearer, and tells him that they are going to go and teach those bloody Philistines a thing or two. Imma’ call this kid Jimmy.

Anyway, after Jonathan uses some pretty harsh language to describe the invaders, he asks if Jimmy’s in it with him. Jimmy’s answer?

“Go ahead, I am with you heart and soul.”

Jimmy doesn’t even flinch. He just looks Jon in the eyes and says: “Do it man, I’ve got your back!” A friend indeed.

“OK then,” Jonathan pipes up, “here’s the plan: we walk up to them in broad daylight.”

Jimmy: “So far so good.”

Jonathan: “And then, if they say ‘We’re comin to get you!’ we’re outta luck. But if they say: ‘Come on and get us!’ then that means that God is gonna helps us whoop ‘em for sure!”

They go over, and what do you know? The Philistines yell: “Come on and get us!” So Jimmy and Jon deal it out and slaughter about 20 of the idiots; Jonathan taking the lead… and Jimmy? Well, he watches Jon’s back, just like he said he would and “killed behind him.” Jimmy was taking names too.

The Philistines go crazy. Their entire came starts turning on each other; they are actually now killing each other with their swords. They just got their butts handed to them by some high-schoolers. I can just imagine the looks on their generals’ faces. Jimmy and Jon made Saul’s mop up job a piece of cake. (To eat… not to bake.)

This one goes out to all those Jimmys in the world. You know who you are. You are no longer unsung. I’m rooting for you… and guess what? God is too.

Yet... Not At All

I could be pretentious

Oh, I could do it oh so well

I could take the blame for all your pain

And tell you I cracked the Liberty Bell

Just hypothesizing

It's so close to justifying

Yet not at all

Steeped it a quagmire of pop culture fizz

I believe this makes me eclectic

Perhaps even eccentric

Yet not at all

I down pounds of processed sugar everyday

I say it's for a reason

The feeling

That I get when I actually ingest healthy food makes it all worth it

Yet not at all

I consume a steady diet of socially acceptable violence

In the form of words and pixels

Socially acceptable being key phrase

Yet not at all

I think that I have something relevant to say

Something that will affect you

Perhaps radically change your perspective on life

What did I say about being pretentious?

Yet not at all

Am I defined by this hopeless quest for self-gratification and validation?

Am I compelled to be this quivering mess of reaching, grasping introspection?

Am I finished?

No, not at all

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye heavenly host

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

And that is all

God Works in Mysterious Ways

God works in mysterious ways. Example? My roommate, Jeff, who is an absolute bike nut is now making jewelry instead of fixing bikes... which he was trying to make money doing at the beginning of this year.

How about me? The movie nut? Yeah, well, again... at the beginning of this academic year that's what I was doing: making movies. But stuff started falling through, and now what am I doing for money? Making wine.

Who would have guessed? The story never turns out like you think it will.

JSTT

Singleness Awareness Day

Valentines Day... is there an apostrophe in there? Well, I submit that there shouldn't be... since it's not Valentine's Day anymore (a holiday remembering the patron saint), it really is "valentines" Day, the day that you go out and get "valentines" plural... not possessive. Who knew you could come up with this huge argument with a simple change in punctuation?

It's raining... raining in the Idaho panhandle. It's snowing everywhere else... I think it might even be snowing in Florida right now. Nothing would surprise me weather wise at this point. Perhaps this is why the official term has been changed from "global warming" to "climate change." Notice that "climate change" is a bad thing. Obama said so in his state of the union address. Also notice what follows from that: not even Obama believes that all change is good. Bush was smart but talked dumb, Obama is dumb but talks smart. Which is more dangerous?

It's raining... depending on the kind of mood I'm in... I quite enjoy rain. Especially right now... at the end of a very, very long week. The roommates are out partying it up. The house is quiet, nothing but the water heater whirring in the background. "Be still and know that I am God." I'll probably take a nap soon. THIS is how to spend a Sunday afternoon.

I have a job... this makes me very happy. It really makes me focus on my school work when I have the time. I think I did pretty well on my science midterm... I've failed my last two. Maybe I can pull my average grade up from a C to a B this quarter. You never know. Last year 3rd quarter proved to be the best.

Already making summer plans... my long lost roommate, Russell invited me up to his place this August for Warped Tour. I went last year, but it was a total bore going alone. Rocking out with a friend is always so much more fun. As for the rest of this summer? Who knows? Well... God does. He always has. I keep thinking He doesn't. How silly of me. As me and my college friends often say in instant message speak: *headdesk*

Singleness awareness day... I think I won't even celebrate it when I'm married. That will be a tough one to spring on the wife. "Sorry dear, I don't believe in Valentines Day." I think I have a legitimate excuse though. Paul makes it very clear in his letters to the churches around the world that they ought not do anything that would make a weaker brother to stumble. I think our famous American red holiday does just that. Let me explain... no, there is too much...... let me sum up:

I was very prone to... seeking others' affections while in middle school, high school... and to some extent even now. I consider myself one of the afore mentioned "weaker brothers." Valentines Day always bothered me, it put pressures on me that needn't have been there. So, even when I am no longer single... I will nullify "valentines" day in my household.

Romans 14:5-6 "One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind. He who regards one day as special, does so to the Lord. He who eats meat, eats to the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who abstains, does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God."

I'm fully convinced in my own mind, and I will not celebrate "valentines" day unto the Lord.

In Christ,

JSTT

Apology II

Well, that was interesting…

So, the thing about who I am and the modern invention of the webernet is that you all get to see the good and the bad. I think that on a fundamental level that’s important. But I don’t want you all to get the wrong idea.

For all those who may read this that I don’t know, I’m not a guy that just randomly flies off the handle at 8^th century monks. In retrospect, a line from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix comes to mind: “I just get so angry all the time!” That’s how I was feeling the other day. But as Sirius Black responds to Harry as he is wondering he is really evil, he comes very close to quoting Batman: “It’s is what we do that defines us.” (for the record, this is VERY characteristic of me, quoting movies to get my point across.)

I want what I do to have meaning and purpose. I want to really get angry about stuff sometimes, but not arbitrarily. I want to let people know what I am passionate about, but taking it out on monks that many people have never heard of before is just not how to do it.

As a little aside, I really want to get my motto tattooed on my right forearm. Just three words: “Truth With Love.” If nothing else, I want to have the reminder emblazoned upon my skin, so that everytime I see it, it will become engraven in my soul. Now that I think on it… THAT is what I am most passionate about! “Truth with love.” There is so much in the Scriptures that I want to convey and tell others, and there is so much hate spreading through the modern American church. It’s either tolerance or passivism. (I’m not saying that this is EVERYONE, but by and large it is the norm.) The two camps of love and truth are seemingly engaged in an endless war. But they are not mutually exclusive. Nor should you only have one or the other. If you are all fire and brimstone, no one will listen to the truth you have. And if you are all sappy, sweet mush… you have no truth to speak to those that are listening.

So that is more likely something I should swear about… not old British monks. Please forgive me. Which causes are worth fighting for the kingdom? I’m still working on that one. Please bear with me as I learn what hills are worth dying on.

Many thanks,

JSTT

New Frontier

Ok... so there are a lot of things that scare me about having a job. Let's start with the fact that I have not had a job in about 2 years since I left Virginia Beach Alcohol Beverage Control back in 2008 when I moved down to NC and then out to college. That's right... I have not had a job in 2 years. I suppose this reflects on the grace of God, as I have not HAD to have a job to support myself. But the time came this year for me to enter the working world. It wasn't a new year's resolution or anything like that (although, 2010 DOES begin and new chapter and new story), but it was more the fact that I am almost 21, and have no real work experience.

That brings me to the next thing that scares me about having a job: I haven't HAD a real job before! I've "worked," yes... but not regular kind of normal person job. Well, I did do the classic mow your lawn, watch the mentally insane 3 year old boy jobs. (Andrew was crazy, and I loved him for it. But that's a story for another time.) But after that, I decided to work at a place called River Ranch Retreat Ranch (I kid you not), more commonly referred to as "Triple R Ranch," perhaps because it was less harsh on the ears and sensibilities. It was a Christian summer camp, the kids that attended it were not. I babysat 12 prepubescent boys for a week at a time for 4 weeks with the help of another college aged guy. It was... fun?

My next job was as an underage buyer for Alcohol Beverage Control (ABC). My dad found that job for me; to this day I don't know how he dug it up. Perhaps he will comment on this post and enlighten us all. Basically, I had to fill out several reams of paper (as it was a government job), and then sit in for training at a police station. Once I was hired my job consisted of going around, trying to buy alcohol from any place that would sell it, with two armed police officers trailing me. We were all undercover, so if the establishment handled themselves well, asked for my ID and refused to sell to me, we walked out and no one was the wiser. If you sold to me however, the officers would immediately walk up to you, tell you what you did, tell the manager what you did and then tell the state what you did. Then they'd arrest you, which I learned working this job does NOT actually mean that you get put in cuffs. It just means... well, I'm not sure anymore. But anyway, you were caught red handed and you would have to show up at court. (I got to tag along as a witness when we did catch someone.) Usually anyone we busted would either get a 500 dollar fine, community service or some kind of combination of the two.

There are so many tales I could tell about that job: the time an ABC agent got called in to do a drug bust in this pink polo. How the agents would try to make me look as young as possible so I wouldn't get sold to; cuz if I did, they'd be stuck with miles of paper work. How often Food Lion sold me alcohol. How we had to drive through the projects... the list goes on.

The next "job" I had was as an actor and creative person in a local film company. Never saw a dime of profit... but I think we gained capital in other areas. The relationships forged were always the big focus for me. We made a movie that still isn't finished, and the company kind of blew up at the end of last year... but I don't regret any of it. Sometimes an adventure is worth taking just for the fun of it.

Back to the new job:

Another thing that kind of bothers me is that I am not good with liquids, and I am going to be working at a winery... During high school I joked with my friends that I had a drinking problem. (Not alcoholic drinking problem... but that leads into reason 3.) The insident that I remember specifically was when I was at a party at my best friend's house. I had a big glass of Sprite in my hand, and was standing behind the couch where some of our other friends were playing Nintendo. Then, inexplicably, I kind of drop, kind of throw my fizzy drink of goodness all over my friend's couch. We laughed it off afterwards, but that still didn't alleviate my drinking problem. How bad am I going to be around wine bottles all day??

Of course, although I will be soon, I am not yet 21. Obviously that means I cannot be a taster at the winery. I can see myself now:

"Sir, what wine would you recommend?"

"Ummm... That one!"

"Oh? How is it??"

"Good... we make it."

"What's it taste like?"

"No idea..."

Even more than that, I am a full time student, at the school with the craziest work load this side of the Mississippi. I have already had to tell my teacher I won't be able to make one of my classes on Monday. Now, I have just found out that my new work schedule directly conflicts with two of my finals in about 4 weeks.

But the biggest one? Taxes, taxes, taxes... *twitch, twitch* I think the federal government is trying to drive us mad or something. Everytime I see a W-4 form I start to have minor heart attacks.

But you know what? I just realized... all this (although amusing perhaps) is worry. Clearly a sin in the Bible. God saw fit to grant me a job. I am immensely thankful for it. Do I want God to take away the gift that He just gave me? No. I'll practice being thankful instead of bothered.

Cheers, and have a blessed Sabbath!

JSTT

Rain

If there is one thing that I miss about the northwest... it is water. Really big water. There is so much contained in water. I think often times that it is the closest thing we have to a perfect metaphor for God. It is essential. It is powerful. It is everywhere. We die without it. We can be killed with it in a million different equally horrifying ways. We love it. We are terrified by it.

So now, out here in Idaho there is so little of it. We get bits of it in snow, but for some reason that just isn't good enough for me. I want more. I want oceans of the stuff. Torrential down pours. Endless waves pounding a rhythmic time upon the shore. Hurricanes even!

But here there is none of that. Not rain, not storm, not sea. I feel kind of like I am drying up.

My brain quotes pithy sayings in retort to my complaints. "Grow where you're planted."

Am I looking for the wrong kind of water? Am I neglecting the water of my baptism? The water of the Spirit? Where is it? Have I hidden it deep in my heart? In the deep crevices, that nothing can penetrate? Have I buried the water of hope and love and peace so deep that I am actually having trouble drinking from the well?

Dear Lord, I can't dig anymore. I am parched, I am longing for something more than a pill to get me through the day. I need something that lasts... forever. You've given it to me already, but I keep losing it. Totally my fault. I seem to be so horrible at water retention. Plug up the holes, please God. I don't want to leak anymore. Keep me filled with your grace, and the pure joy that comes not of circumstances... but of You.

Amen
&
Amen!

JSTT

Back for another round

Well, I just got back to beautiful Moscow, Idaho. I was a little trepidatious about coming back, what with traveling several thousand miles, and the whole going to school and being away from my family... again. But I shouldn't have been. Since when has being worried ever solved anything? Or... is it the other way around? That it DOES work? As the saying goes: "Worrying works, what you worry about never seems to happen."

I really hate planes though. Well, not hate. They help me get to see people that I love quickly and efficiently. We often complain about security checks and what not... but really, think about it for a moment: you are sitting in a chair......... IN THE SKY!!!! You are thousands of miles above the surface of the earth, defying gravity. What is NOT cool about that, huh?

Security checks do suck though. A friend of mine told me this morning that in some airports they have installed body scanners. Like... um.... yeah. They see everything. Not ok. Just not OK. Like in Britain they can't scan anyone under 18. Yeah. Ick. Somebody has got to put and end to this madness.

But still, the whole plane part is pretty much the bomb. (pun not intended) For example, on my flight from Atlanta to Salt Lake, they had personal TVs installed in the back of the head rests. BOOYAH! Even better, they had one jack headphone adapter things. Don't you hate it when you pull out your headphones to watch the in-flight movie and you suddenly realize that you need a pair of headphones with two jacks to watch in stereo? Anyway, they had Comedy Central. Stand-up comedy all the way to Mormonville.

Don't get me wrong. I love Mormons. They show us Christians up all the time. I mean, why can't WE be that nice? Huh? Somebody riddle me that.

While walking through the Salt Lake airport however, I was surprised to find people besides me wearing Goorin Bros. hats. You cannot go wrong with a Goorin. Mine is pretty much my favorite hat of all time. http://www.goorin.com/

Finally on the last flight from Salt Lake to Lewiston (read it as: middle of nowhere Idaho), I sat next to a nice girl going back to school too. Vandal pride. She had been in... Romania was it? Jenny. She pointed out that we were both wearing claddaugh rings. So we were. Imagine that. Turned out she had been all over Europe, and was considering studying there eventually.

Inevitably the subject of where I went to school came up. "New Saint Andrews," I say. A look of consternation. "You know, the little brick building on main street?" A look of recognition. "Yeah, I've heard of it... I think."

Suddenly, the man sitting in front of us turns around, looks at me, "Josiah!" He sticks out his hand, I shack obligingly. "I knew you looked familiar!" It's Mr. Garfield, one of the teachers from Logos private school... the little brother to New Saint Andrews.

Then he turns to Jenny, and looks at her hard. She looks a little taken aback, a little nervous. I can understand. Old guys (no offense, Mr. Garfield) staring at you will do that to you. "We're neighbors, aren't we?" Another look of recognition. "Mr. Garfield?" "Yup! How's the family?"

Small talk. We still haven't taken off yet. Salt Lake airport officials are pretty serious about de-icing all the planes.

Finally back in good, ol' Idaho it's still a half-hour drive from my landing point, Lewiston, to my final destination, Moscow. Pump Say Anything through the speakers. Punk rock with a psychotic messianic Jew as the front man, what's there not to love? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_Anything_%28band%29

I make it back at about 11ish, 2300 for all you military types. My body is screaming: "2 AM, 2 AM, 2 AM!" as loud as it can. I head to crash into bed, but not before my roommate tells me that one of the other guys left... like for good. Or at least for the foreseeable future. Not enough cash. That's the jist. Fading... fast. Bed eats me for a midnight snack.

Next morning... Sunday. Back to Christ Church. Home. http://www.christkirk.com/ I think that was the biggest thing I was worried about coming back, not the academics, not the weather.... the people. Like I said... I needn't have worried. With God you never do. You NEVER do. "He's always been faithful to me."



So... I'm back. Back.... home. "Home is what you make it." Never blame it on others, never fear, never despise where you are. If you harbor loathing in your heart simply for where you are, you are most definitely not living in God's will, you are not seeking His peace. Rest in Him always. He's never steered me wrong.

The glory and grace of God never fails.
Praise be unto His name!


Well, Latin vocab is calling my name. Until next time, I remain you friendly neighborhood Calvinist!

JSTT

Creation

Is there really anything more important? The start of everything there ever was was creation. And the end? A NEW creation. We are made in the likeness of our Creator. Hence, we create. Next to breathing, eating and relationships... is there anything else?

"You start with a feeling" -The Edge

Does it matter what you create? Not particularly. Do it because you love it. Do it for others. Do it for the Creator.

Then comes the question: "How MUCH do I create?" As much as you can. There is no virtue in writing a Russian novel over a sentence. A riff is no less important than a symphony. As long as you put your all into it. Make it the best you can.

Prayer, lies and Facebook

Well... that was a LOT harder than it should have been. I think I've learned a thing or two though...

First off:

When I first thought of this whole getting rid of Facebook thing; well, it was a while ago. I had been thinking about it for quite some time now. The real struggle of actually buckling down and deleting the darned thing came upon me today though, and that is when I posted the whole "Josiah Scott Talbert Truax is seriously considering deleting his facebook. This thing is sucking me dry. Gonna pray about it."

The first part wasn't really necessary to share. I don't know why I did. Perhaps because it was the one thing that was consuming my head at the time... and Facebook is all about me, right??

My dad called me on the second part. The excuse of prayer. That's what it was. "What do you mean you're 'going to pray about it?'" I couldn't give a good answer. I really couldn't. Was I denoting the fact that I really wanted to make a good decision? That I wanted to consult God about it? That I was waiting for a good feeling? Yeah, right... Since when do you have a good feeling about doing something good for you that is uncomfortable???

What did I want? I wanted more time to argue with God. Yeah... that's a simply BRILLIANT idea, Josiah. Just stunningly genius!

Wake up call #2:

A friend of mine, here in NC, commented on my status update something to the effect of:

"What's there to pray about? Do you think that deactivating your Facebook is a sin?"

Godsmack... epic Godsmack. I love that phrase... too bad a horrible metal band has claimed it. Wait... we're supposed to be reclaiming stuff for the kingdom, right? I'm reclaiming the phrase "Godsmack!" So THERE!

So... he was right, God was right. I was just kicking and screaming. I needed to let go. Like I have always needed to let go of my idols. Ripping, tearing... not fun; but necessary.

Another one of my friends from Moscow, ID put it best when she compared Facebook to an annoying and demanding little brother. Let me extend the metaphor further: it's a little brother that sucks you dry and gives nothing back. A little brother that brings up things that you only want to forget. A little brother that tells dirty jokes and won't shut up. A little brother that at first seemed cute and cuddly... but has now turned into a monster.

Or maybe I should ostracize part of my audience and compare Facebook to smoking.

You know what... I'll leave that one for another time. ;)

Sincerely in Christ,
JSTT

Hallelujah

Sing "Hallelujah" even when you don't feel it
Sing "Hallelujah" even when it hurts to say it
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you hate the world
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you cry
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you die
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you can't go on
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you hit to ground
Sing "Hallelujah" even when you don't want to be found
Sing "Hallelujah" until salvation appears
Sing "Hallelujah"
Sing "Hallelujah"
Sing "Hallelujah"

"Things Change"

People say it as if it is inevitable... as if it is fate, as if it is meant to be. Last year is not this year, what was relevant then is not relevant now. What would have been a great idea yesterday would end in disaster today. She's engaged now, you wouldn't DARE do that now! If you talk to him like that he will punch you in the face.

"But it was just a joke!"

"Things change"

It was black and white, now it's all gray. Now I'm blind. Now we are dying. Now we are destined for hell. Now we have no more goodness in us. Now we are helpless. Now we hate. Now we murder. Now we lie. Now we are on a meat train aimed for the deepest despair.

But then there was one last change, and that change affected us deeply... it is irrevocable. We will not change back again. Nor will our Leader.

"Man is to face judgment once, and then enter eternity."

No more change.

Praise the Lord.
JSTT