Missing the Obvious

Sometimes I'm not the only one who is extremely moronic. To be sure, I have shown my stupid stripes on many an occasion, but every once in a great while, I am outdone. And boy is it beautiful!

As most of you know (and if you didn't, now you do) I turned 21 about a month ago. I've been enjoying the tastes of stout, hard cider and other things ever since. Anyway, I was walking around the grocery store the other day looking for milk and something for dinner, when I noticed an amber ale called "Shock Top." The label intrigued me, so I picked up a case to look at more closely. Wonder or wonders, it was a CITRUS ale! I am a nut for orange juice and all other kinds of citrus things, so I immediately took the case over to the counter.

The lady checking me out (and yes, I know how creepy that sounds), was one of those ladies who calls anyone even remotely younger that she is "darling." So after she had rung up all my quote/unquote "normal" items, I was assaulted with "May I see your I.D., darling?" I grimaced and handed over my drivers license.

Now, for some reason my North Carolina driver's license confuses the heck out most Idahoans. It makes their heads kind of explode and leaves them going: "ddaaaahhhdududududdaaaaa" for about 15 seconds before I explain how it works. After watching her stumble over my identification for a few moments, I pointed out the big red box right by the picture that says:

"TURNS 21 ON JUNE 4, 2010"

It's in kinda big letters, and hard to miss if you're really looking. Anyway, she finally decided that I really WAS old enough to buy beer, and punched in my birthday.

Now, there is something else that you must know about buying alcohol from grocery stores: it's pretty much a fail proof system. There is no way that the computer will let you sell to a minor. You have to deliberately screw with the system to sell to someone under 21: give the computer a false date, disable the "WILL NOT SELL TO MINOR" system, or something very similar. If you do that, in my opinion, you DESERVE to get caught.

Anyway, she punched in my birthday, and the computer says it won't sell to me and cancels the whole transaction. "HA! Now you can't buy milk EITHER!" I almost hear the computer laugh manically. The lady looks at my I.D., at the computer and then back at me. "This is weird."

She punches the date into the computer two more times with the same result. Then she calls over one of the girls working in the same section of the store and has her punch it in. Same thing. They start laughing and wondering what the heck is going on. At this point, someone walks up to the counter and asks: "Can I get some help over here?"

The lady who first tried to take my order looks over and says sarcastically: "No, sorry."

At first I was a little shocked, but then when the other women who was asking for help said: "Wow, service here SUCKS!" I looked a little closer and noticed that they were sisters. I breathed a little sigh of relief. I had no desire to be the cause of contention among Safeway staff and customers.

Finally, the lady got fed up with the whole thing and just punched in her birthday. I made a joke to let the women behind the counter know that I was in no way put out by the whole ordeal, and headed out to my car.

Suddenly, as I was unlocking the great red behemoth, it struck me: they had been putting in the wrong date the entire time! The text on my I.D. had said, "turns 21 on June 4, 2010." So like any lazy human who doesn't want to think too hard, they put the date into the computer... the date that they had read: 06/04/2010. Of course, the computer, smarter than your average human, had said: "No WAY I'm selling to a 1 month old! How the heck is he even trying to buy groceries?!?"

I laughed all the way home, taking comfort in the thought that I am not the only one who makes dumb mistakes like that.

JSTT

Rapid Heart Beat

Things are happening so quickly. I have only one week left in North Carolina, then I'm headed back to Cleveland... and then Idaho. This month has gone by like a flash. Detailing all the little things that happen would be nigh impossible... so I will do what I do best: give you bullet points. This will also give you, the reader, the sense that things and ideas are flying by extremely fast. So, in the end, we both win. I get to be lazy, and still achieve the effect I desire in my writing. Not that this is a good habit to get into.

-Getting called in for jury duty a week before you leave a town and never intend to return... at least not for a long, long time. Go ahead North Carolina, put out a warrant for my arrest! (I am totally kidding by the way. I just submitted my reason for absence to the judge. I have no desire to be held in contempt of the court.)

-If your mother is having miniature heart attacks... clean the house. This will do wonders for her nerves and will most likely cure all her ills. Hugs on top of this are always a plus.

-I have found yet another avenue to explore in the realm of career options: greeting card writer. Not only will I be the perfect man for the job after finished school, (anyone want Plato references in their thank you cards?) but the headquarters of American Greetings is in Cleveland of all places! Booyah!

-Greenstorm Film is starting back up again in full force. After completing and releasing a rather spiffy music video and receiving many accolades about said video, I received a script from a very good friend of mine. Who was it? What is it? I will say no more. I'll leave you in suspense.

Ok, there's a doctor's appointment I have to get to.
Cheers and laterness and stuff,
JSTT

Hidden Treasures

It is one of great joys in life to dig up bits and pieces of odds and ends and bits and bobs. Conjunctions for example.

But in all seriousness. I find it very gratifying to introduce someone to a piece of art or fiction, and to watch them fall in love with it. A good example of this recently was introducing my friend Jeremy to the comic books series "Scott Pilgrim." It is a very hard comic to describe, but I have heard others describe it thus: as a cross between Say Anything (the movie, not the band), Kill Bill and Mario. I would also add in every anime you've ever seen, and a healthy helping of Street Fighter.

More recently, Scott Pilgrim has been turned into a film by Edger Wright, the renowned British director behind "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz." He is not the only one working on it however, so is Bill Pope... the cinematographer for not only The Matrix films, but all of the Spider-Man trilogy. I am extremely excited about this one. If you aren't enthused yet, watch the new trailer:

I'll be back with more on character sketches and comics soon. In the mean time enjoy the trailer!

JSTT

June 2010

I just signed a lot of paper work. Attorneys are submitting things to writing. Large sums of money are being pushed around. They are taking care of my earth dollars. I am grateful to them.

Tomorrow I will magically become responsible enough to drink alcohol. Foolish, silly bureaucrats. They makes me laugh.

There will be many words to come about airplanes and movies and beauty and comics and women folk soon to come.

Sorry for my absence. I appreciate your patients. The only thing under construction are my thoughts.

JSTT

Epic Adventures

So, I think that this should become a regular series, as crazy things are happening to me more and more often. The car flip, getting run over by a crazy Irishman at a punk rock concert, etc... But more often than not, these adventures take place with some very special friends of mine: Noah Allsup, Pete Nyhus and Gary Stedman.

Anyway, I decided that since we got this Good Friday off, we should go see a movie. I invited basically everyone that I knew in town... Pete, Gary and Noah were the only three that gave me a positive response. Yes, you all missed out on our epic adventure. Think on your sins.

Which movie, you ask? "How to Train Your Dragon." I mentioned it earlier, horrible title... and now I can say from personal experience: totally cool movie.

Problem: it's not playing in our town. The local theater is closed for remodeling, and the theater in the next state (which conveniently is only 4 miles away) decided to oust Dragon so that they could begin playing the remake of "Clash of the Titans," which appears to be the exact opposite of Dragon, super cool title, hopelessly lame movie. But as one of my friends mentioned after seeing the trailer for it said: "That looks really ridiculous... but I feel that as a man... I have to see it." Ah yes, American culture defines gender lines again!!!! Hazzah!!! But I digress...

So after sleeping in and missing breakfast, I call Gary. Pete. is. asleep. I would have been too if it wasn't for my overreactive sense of.... I have no idea what I'm taking about. Let's fast-forward a bit.

We're driving to Lewiston (the only theater for about 57.3 miles around playing the film), only to have it start snowing on the way there. Yes, snowing. It is April 2.... and it is snowing. Did I mention that it was SNOWING?????

But we are in luck, as Lewiston is about 1000 ft closer to sea level than Moscow is. Taking the switchbacks down the mountain side the snow quickly turns to slush and then to rain. When we finally reach the bottom, it's as if we've entered an entirely different hemisphere.

The movie itself was great. Tons of fun, even if you don't see it in 3D. The music, the effects... the acting even. Sometimes I forgot that I was watching pixels and not real people. That is the true mark of a talented director, he can turn ANY medium and create something beautiful out of it. Finally, a Gerard Butler movie that is... um.... kid friendly!! Anyway, if you can forgive the title, I highly recommend it to all of you from about 5 to 93.

We stop at a hole in the wall burger place called Sharp's Burgers... only found in Lewiston/Clarkston, where we proceeded to just stand in front of the counter, staring at the menu and freaking out the management.

"So, are we just going to stand here being awkward?"
Pete: "You can. I am going to stand here and be awesome."
Noah: "Wait.... what???"
Gary: "Well, I'm going to order something."
Josiah: "Wait a second. You can buy a HALIBUT?!?!?"

The restaurant was where most of the following quote and what-not came about. There seems to be something explosive combustible about putting the four of us in the same room. (Welcome to the club for redundancy club.) Pete, Noah, and I are all extremely loud, Gary, although he doesn't say much, usually laughs in approval at our jokes. Noah usually plays the bothered, offended yet jovial hot-head. "You have got to be KIDDING MEEEEE!!!!!"
Pete... Pete's kind of like his comic foil, telling non-sequiturs as if they were the most common thing in the world, and spouting nonsense as if it were fact. I play the straight man... the one who usually instigates the awkward, odd, and sometimes hilarious conversation topics. Gary is our laugh track.

But as we ascended out of the Snake River valley, nothing could have prepared us for what lay ahead. The fields at the top of the gorge were almost completely white! The yellow sign posts were frozen over, looking like something you might find on a movie poster with the tag line: "When hell freezes over!"

At that point, Gary decided to crack a joke: "It's like God's saying: 'Now it's spring time... oops. NOT!!!!"

My friends are awesome.
JSTT



Quotes:
-Josiah (reading a sign): "It's scout cookie season: March 11th to April... something."
-Pete: "That would explain the dancing cookies"

(arguing about taking school work into a movie theater)
Gary: "You know, when I they were first fighting the dragons, all I could think of was 'hey, he is surviving their attacks by using induction."
Noah (staring at Gary in disbelief): "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It's a HOLIDAY!!!!"
Gary: "What? You brought Darwin along."
Noah: "Yes, but I left him in the CAAARRRR!!!!"
Pete: "It would have been funny to take him into the movie theater. 'I don't understand this. Could you tell me what's going on? Wait, they're dragons. How do you explain THAT you bearded kook!!!"

Welcome to Nerdsville

We have our own language. We really do. If any of you sane folk walked into our movie watching parties, you would probably walk right back out. "They're speaking Klingon! I swear!" Of course, there is no need for swearing; that is entirely inappropriate in this instance.

Things like: "He would get along really well with Hal 9000!" To which I respond: "Oh, you just wait an see." "Those models remind me of Star Wars." "Why do people keep falling apart in movies this year?" "That was TOTALLY like Alien!" "2009 was recorded as having the most vomiting in movies for any given year."

It's not like we care. We're... fellowshipping. I think that is one of those things that people often miss, especially with nerdy guys. We are having a blast. This is how we interact. We actually make memories that we will remember years from now. Case and point: I still remember making fun of "Babette's Feast" and the vampire olives. That was over a year ago. Still a fond memory.

So next time you see a bunch of us walking around, talking gibberish, don't pity us, don't laugh at us. Laugh WITH us! Or perhaps... pity yourself, and that fact that you don't have friends that will laugh with you. I'm blessed. I wouldn't see it any other way.

Sincerely,
JSTT

Update & LOL @ Obama

The Favorite Albums of All Time post has now been completed.








And here's a little tidbit for your enjoyment and edification (funny bit is at the 4:48 minute mark):



Have a great weekend!
JSTT

Back for another round

Well, I just got back to beautiful Moscow, Idaho. I was a little trepidatious about coming back, what with traveling several thousand miles, and the whole going to school and being away from my family... again. But I shouldn't have been. Since when has being worried ever solved anything? Or... is it the other way around? That it DOES work? As the saying goes: "Worrying works, what you worry about never seems to happen."

I really hate planes though. Well, not hate. They help me get to see people that I love quickly and efficiently. We often complain about security checks and what not... but really, think about it for a moment: you are sitting in a chair......... IN THE SKY!!!! You are thousands of miles above the surface of the earth, defying gravity. What is NOT cool about that, huh?

Security checks do suck though. A friend of mine told me this morning that in some airports they have installed body scanners. Like... um.... yeah. They see everything. Not ok. Just not OK. Like in Britain they can't scan anyone under 18. Yeah. Ick. Somebody has got to put and end to this madness.

But still, the whole plane part is pretty much the bomb. (pun not intended) For example, on my flight from Atlanta to Salt Lake, they had personal TVs installed in the back of the head rests. BOOYAH! Even better, they had one jack headphone adapter things. Don't you hate it when you pull out your headphones to watch the in-flight movie and you suddenly realize that you need a pair of headphones with two jacks to watch in stereo? Anyway, they had Comedy Central. Stand-up comedy all the way to Mormonville.

Don't get me wrong. I love Mormons. They show us Christians up all the time. I mean, why can't WE be that nice? Huh? Somebody riddle me that.

While walking through the Salt Lake airport however, I was surprised to find people besides me wearing Goorin Bros. hats. You cannot go wrong with a Goorin. Mine is pretty much my favorite hat of all time. http://www.goorin.com/

Finally on the last flight from Salt Lake to Lewiston (read it as: middle of nowhere Idaho), I sat next to a nice girl going back to school too. Vandal pride. She had been in... Romania was it? Jenny. She pointed out that we were both wearing claddaugh rings. So we were. Imagine that. Turned out she had been all over Europe, and was considering studying there eventually.

Inevitably the subject of where I went to school came up. "New Saint Andrews," I say. A look of consternation. "You know, the little brick building on main street?" A look of recognition. "Yeah, I've heard of it... I think."

Suddenly, the man sitting in front of us turns around, looks at me, "Josiah!" He sticks out his hand, I shack obligingly. "I knew you looked familiar!" It's Mr. Garfield, one of the teachers from Logos private school... the little brother to New Saint Andrews.

Then he turns to Jenny, and looks at her hard. She looks a little taken aback, a little nervous. I can understand. Old guys (no offense, Mr. Garfield) staring at you will do that to you. "We're neighbors, aren't we?" Another look of recognition. "Mr. Garfield?" "Yup! How's the family?"

Small talk. We still haven't taken off yet. Salt Lake airport officials are pretty serious about de-icing all the planes.

Finally back in good, ol' Idaho it's still a half-hour drive from my landing point, Lewiston, to my final destination, Moscow. Pump Say Anything through the speakers. Punk rock with a psychotic messianic Jew as the front man, what's there not to love? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Say_Anything_%28band%29

I make it back at about 11ish, 2300 for all you military types. My body is screaming: "2 AM, 2 AM, 2 AM!" as loud as it can. I head to crash into bed, but not before my roommate tells me that one of the other guys left... like for good. Or at least for the foreseeable future. Not enough cash. That's the jist. Fading... fast. Bed eats me for a midnight snack.

Next morning... Sunday. Back to Christ Church. Home. http://www.christkirk.com/ I think that was the biggest thing I was worried about coming back, not the academics, not the weather.... the people. Like I said... I needn't have worried. With God you never do. You NEVER do. "He's always been faithful to me."



So... I'm back. Back.... home. "Home is what you make it." Never blame it on others, never fear, never despise where you are. If you harbor loathing in your heart simply for where you are, you are most definitely not living in God's will, you are not seeking His peace. Rest in Him always. He's never steered me wrong.

The glory and grace of God never fails.
Praise be unto His name!


Well, Latin vocab is calling my name. Until next time, I remain you friendly neighborhood Calvinist!

JSTT

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