Epic Adventures

So, I think that this should become a regular series, as crazy things are happening to me more and more often. The car flip, getting run over by a crazy Irishman at a punk rock concert, etc... But more often than not, these adventures take place with some very special friends of mine: Noah Allsup, Pete Nyhus and Gary Stedman.

Anyway, I decided that since we got this Good Friday off, we should go see a movie. I invited basically everyone that I knew in town... Pete, Gary and Noah were the only three that gave me a positive response. Yes, you all missed out on our epic adventure. Think on your sins.

Which movie, you ask? "How to Train Your Dragon." I mentioned it earlier, horrible title... and now I can say from personal experience: totally cool movie.

Problem: it's not playing in our town. The local theater is closed for remodeling, and the theater in the next state (which conveniently is only 4 miles away) decided to oust Dragon so that they could begin playing the remake of "Clash of the Titans," which appears to be the exact opposite of Dragon, super cool title, hopelessly lame movie. But as one of my friends mentioned after seeing the trailer for it said: "That looks really ridiculous... but I feel that as a man... I have to see it." Ah yes, American culture defines gender lines again!!!! Hazzah!!! But I digress...

So after sleeping in and missing breakfast, I call Gary. Pete. is. asleep. I would have been too if it wasn't for my overreactive sense of.... I have no idea what I'm taking about. Let's fast-forward a bit.

We're driving to Lewiston (the only theater for about 57.3 miles around playing the film), only to have it start snowing on the way there. Yes, snowing. It is April 2.... and it is snowing. Did I mention that it was SNOWING?????

But we are in luck, as Lewiston is about 1000 ft closer to sea level than Moscow is. Taking the switchbacks down the mountain side the snow quickly turns to slush and then to rain. When we finally reach the bottom, it's as if we've entered an entirely different hemisphere.

The movie itself was great. Tons of fun, even if you don't see it in 3D. The music, the effects... the acting even. Sometimes I forgot that I was watching pixels and not real people. That is the true mark of a talented director, he can turn ANY medium and create something beautiful out of it. Finally, a Gerard Butler movie that is... um.... kid friendly!! Anyway, if you can forgive the title, I highly recommend it to all of you from about 5 to 93.

We stop at a hole in the wall burger place called Sharp's Burgers... only found in Lewiston/Clarkston, where we proceeded to just stand in front of the counter, staring at the menu and freaking out the management.

"So, are we just going to stand here being awkward?"
Pete: "You can. I am going to stand here and be awesome."
Noah: "Wait.... what???"
Gary: "Well, I'm going to order something."
Josiah: "Wait a second. You can buy a HALIBUT?!?!?"

The restaurant was where most of the following quote and what-not came about. There seems to be something explosive combustible about putting the four of us in the same room. (Welcome to the club for redundancy club.) Pete, Noah, and I are all extremely loud, Gary, although he doesn't say much, usually laughs in approval at our jokes. Noah usually plays the bothered, offended yet jovial hot-head. "You have got to be KIDDING MEEEEE!!!!!"
Pete... Pete's kind of like his comic foil, telling non-sequiturs as if they were the most common thing in the world, and spouting nonsense as if it were fact. I play the straight man... the one who usually instigates the awkward, odd, and sometimes hilarious conversation topics. Gary is our laugh track.

But as we ascended out of the Snake River valley, nothing could have prepared us for what lay ahead. The fields at the top of the gorge were almost completely white! The yellow sign posts were frozen over, looking like something you might find on a movie poster with the tag line: "When hell freezes over!"

At that point, Gary decided to crack a joke: "It's like God's saying: 'Now it's spring time... oops. NOT!!!!"

My friends are awesome.
JSTT



Quotes:
-Josiah (reading a sign): "It's scout cookie season: March 11th to April... something."
-Pete: "That would explain the dancing cookies"

(arguing about taking school work into a movie theater)
Gary: "You know, when I they were first fighting the dragons, all I could think of was 'hey, he is surviving their attacks by using induction."
Noah (staring at Gary in disbelief): "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It's a HOLIDAY!!!!"
Gary: "What? You brought Darwin along."
Noah: "Yes, but I left him in the CAAARRRR!!!!"
Pete: "It would have been funny to take him into the movie theater. 'I don't understand this. Could you tell me what's going on? Wait, they're dragons. How do you explain THAT you bearded kook!!!"

Jimmy

We Americans love our unsung heroes; we love rooting for the underdog. We do not, however, like being said unsung hero. We want to be rich and famous. Like Tyler Durden says: “We all want to be rock gods and movies stars, but we won’t. We are slowly learning that fact, and we are very pissed off.”

Shift back about two millennia and several dead languages ago to First Samuel, chapter 14. The Philistines are attacking Israel… again. Think of them as the Viking invader scourge of ancient Mesopotamia, except that they were kind of locals. OK, dropping the metaphor now. Anyway, they were at it again.

Saul has just been crowned king and then promptly depose; both times by the very grumpy sounding and rather snarky prophet Samuel. Saul’s son, Jonathan (who I’m pretty sure was NOT gay! Haven’t you people ever heard of bro-mance? Come on!), on the other hand is kicking butt and taking names. Deciding that the Philistines are getting a little too uppity, Jonathan decides to take the battle behind enemy lines.

So where does this whole “unsung hero” business come into play? Right about now, in fact. Jonathan grabs his personal armor-bearer, and tells him that they are going to go and teach those bloody Philistines a thing or two. Imma’ call this kid Jimmy.

Anyway, after Jonathan uses some pretty harsh language to describe the invaders, he asks if Jimmy’s in it with him. Jimmy’s answer?

“Go ahead, I am with you heart and soul.”

Jimmy doesn’t even flinch. He just looks Jon in the eyes and says: “Do it man, I’ve got your back!” A friend indeed.

“OK then,” Jonathan pipes up, “here’s the plan: we walk up to them in broad daylight.”

Jimmy: “So far so good.”

Jonathan: “And then, if they say ‘We’re comin to get you!’ we’re outta luck. But if they say: ‘Come on and get us!’ then that means that God is gonna helps us whoop ‘em for sure!”

They go over, and what do you know? The Philistines yell: “Come on and get us!” So Jimmy and Jon deal it out and slaughter about 20 of the idiots; Jonathan taking the lead… and Jimmy? Well, he watches Jon’s back, just like he said he would and “killed behind him.” Jimmy was taking names too.

The Philistines go crazy. Their entire came starts turning on each other; they are actually now killing each other with their swords. They just got their butts handed to them by some high-schoolers. I can just imagine the looks on their generals’ faces. Jimmy and Jon made Saul’s mop up job a piece of cake. (To eat… not to bake.)

This one goes out to all those Jimmys in the world. You know who you are. You are no longer unsung. I’m rooting for you… and guess what? God is too.