Bubba Ho-Tep

MPAA rating: R for some violence, uses of the “f” word, and some awkward moments
Canadian rating: 14A
My rating: ****1/2 out of *****
Style: ****
Writing: *****
Awkward parts: ****
Message: *****




JFK and Elvis didn’t die. JFK just went through massive plastic surgeries and is now black and has a brain made of “mostly sand.” Elvis switched places with a guy named Sebastian Haff, one of his impersonators, only to have the real Haff who was then pretending to be Elvis die of drug overdose. Anyway, for some reason JFK and Elvis end up in the same nursing home in the middle of nowhere Mud Creek, Texas. Not only that, but there is a crazy, redneck, cowboy boot wearin’ mummy on the loose. No, this is not one of those movies I would have just picked up on my own; no matter how much you may think me the type.

The story starts with Elvis’ roommate dying and the man’s daughter coming to collect his things. She picks up her father’s Purple Heart and old photos of him coming back from war and is about to throw them away, when Elvis asks if he can have them. She shrugs and hands them over… they mean nothing to her. As she leaves, Elvis asks: why? Why didn’t she take better care of him?

“I didn’t have the money to,” she explains halfheartedly.

“You coulda visited. They don’t charge for that,” Elvis quips.

“Don’t lecture me.”

The whole movie switches between totally nutso craziness and this hard-hitting commentary on how we treat our elders as easily as turn it’s head from left to right. It just… works. It works really well. I felt horrified by the mummy and by our culture’s abuse of the elderly at the same time. I suddenly wanted to go treasure hunting with and/or visit a nursing home.

Another large theme of the film is how Elvis and JFK wish they had been better to their families and been more honorable in their lives. When the mummy shows up, they are given a chance to redeem themselves and take the adventure that they both craved, but never had. This is mostly manifested through Elvis’ long narration speeches about how he wished he had treated his family right.

(SPOILER ALERT)

Finally, the grand finale comes about at the perfect time. JFK has deduced that the nursing home is the perfect place for mummy to haunt, because it needs to eat souls to survive, and “no one would care if a few more elders dropped off.” So Elvis and JFK grab their walker and wheelchair respectively, a big tank of propane, some matches and go off to kick some undead.

The mummy chokes JFK to death, but doesn’t get his soul. Then in an awesome scene, Elvis rams the mummy and blowtorches him to smithereens. But before the end, the mummy deals some serious damage to Elvis, who is left by the creek looking back on all that has happened.

“He didn’t get my soul. I’ve still got my soul. It’s all mine,” Elvis sighs, relived. Finally he looks up at the sky, and for some reason the stars align and spell out the only thing Elvis needs to hear:

“All is well.”

“Thank ya… thank ya very mu…”

All is well; your soul is intact. How often do we need to hear those very words? I know this is a strange film to find the message of “well done, my good and faithful servant.” But that’s what I heard. Those are the words I long to hear when my life is coming to an end and I am looking back on all of my adventures. And I am so glad that some films find them worth saying as well.

A Tale to Tell

I've read a lot of stories in my day. Probably a lot more than most other 21 year old guys; but I never really started evaluating them until now. I mean, I could say "I like this story," or "I really didn't enjoy that one," but I would be hard pressed to tell you why. I never really evaluated those kinds of things. At least, I never did until I started thinking in terms of the "theology of story."

I came across the idea in my first year of college. It was introduced to me by some folks who shall remain nameless, because I respect them so much. If there is one thing my writing has taught me, it's that it is better to be safe than sorry. I don't want them to be held responsible for the stupid stuff I say. But if the following does sound familiar, you probably already know the men who introduced this idea to me in the first place.

Anyway, freshman year I was still mulling over the idea of how God is in complete control of the universe, and yet... man is still responsible for what he does and will be judged for it. Doesn't make a lot of sense to your average Christian, let alone the average atheist. For the few years before this whole new story idea popped up, I just took it as one of those "secret things" of God; a paradox that I simply needed to embrace and trust was true.

Then the theology of story hit me like a ton of bricks: was the Bard responsible for all the murders in Hamlet? Should he have been executed for writing that play? Of course not, he's the writer! His job was to tell a story and get a point across. Uncultured swine that I am, I could not tell you what the point of Hamlet is, but I'm sure Shakespeare had one in mind.

So, Shakespeare didn't have any problem writing sin and murder and evil characters in his plays, but did that make the characters in the play any less evil? Not at all! The story still judged them for what they did. There was still justice in the story, there was humor, and tears and pain and good plotting.

Now I ask, what is God? WHO is God?? He is the master Storyteller, of course. He is writing the best story of all time. A story where, as one book I read put it: "soldiers and spacemen, cowboys and ninjas, pirates and robots all really do exist!" A story that spans MILLENNIA! A tale of revenge, romance, justice, laughter, epic battle scenes, sweeping adventures, evil villains, and so, so, so much more! It is the most epic tale ever told. Why is there sin and death and evil? Because it makes for a good story. Because God must defeat it. Does the existence of something to be vanquished make God Himself evil? No! It makes Him a good story teller. Who would want to read a story with no villain? I know I wouldn't. If there was no challenge to overcome, if there was no struggle... then the victory at the end would be cheap, it would be meaningless. There would be little glory in it.

And for what did God create everything? He made it for His glory. Telling the most epic story of all time was the best way He saw fit to bring Himself glory. What is our job? As the creed says "to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." And he chose to do that with a story.

Now that I know this, I find that I know why and how to appreciate human stories: because they are little pictures; little imitations of the bigger story. If it accurately depicts the grand tale, although it is more like a crayon drawing on God's cosmic fridge, it is a good story. Human creations that do NOT reflect God's story are lies, and are not to be held up as good representations of art.

An example perhaps? God says "dog." A dog appears. I draw a brown splotch with four leg looking things. God says: "Well done!" Alan Moore, however, draws a black mess with lightning blots and lots of death and blood. God says: "Badly done!"

We both drew messes, there is no mistake in that. But God sees through the mess into our hearts, He sees what we see, and He does not mistake that for something else. He knows if we are viewing His story correctly. He is also the one who gives us the eyes to see the story, cuz... well, we're the characters He's writing. We can only break the fourth wall if he writes us that way.

One last parting thought: the best human depiction of God's story I have yet seen is Les Miserables. It is a beautiful tale and includes nearly every aspect of God's world in it: revenge, grace, redemption, trust, beauty, love and justice. But best of all, it ends in a wedding.

Till next time,
JSTT

Letter to a Friend

Well done my friend, well done
You've fought and you have won
Well done my friend, well done
You've finished what you begun

I know the road is long and hard
The frost bites sharp and deep
And thought we fall, bleed and cry
The path we must always keep

Look at me, I've been there too
Even though you may disbelieve me
I've felt the fear and kept it down
Until I thought no one could see

But when I spoke, the chains fell off
I could feel and laugh and breathe
So if you look upon me now
See a friend
One who was bound, but now is free

Hate II

I hate sin. I really really do! It sickens me. (Romans 7:7-25)

But we have been given strength to overcome sin. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

And we are held up in Christ, we are completely forgiven. This is why we rejoice! (Romans 8:1-4)

"I found away over the fear and through the flames!"

Doom is screamed in the streets, and in the market place. They are selling it on TV, at your local ToysRus today. Don't leave home without it!

Are we really in a state of fear? Or should we perhaps listen to Michael Crichton and Jesus, who told us not to give into the mania of the masses.

But even if it is... even if we are doomed... I have found joy in Christ. I have been played for the fool. But wait? I am happy? And you are lost and depressed? Who is the fool now?

"It's the zombie apocalypse. Bring friends."

JSTT

Redemption

by Muse

Let's start over again
Why can't we start it over again
Just let us start it over again
And we'll be good
This time we'll get it
We'll get it right
It's our last chance to forgive ourselves...

The peace that passes understanding

It only comes with Sunday mornings, reading CS Lewis, laughing with friends, eating good food, working hard...

...in short, it comes with a change in perspective.

JSTT