Connotation, Definition and ect.

I'll post this on my blog and facebook so that it won't be missed.

So, I have always seemed to have this problem. I like using words that I don't understand. It's been that way since I was very small. Once, after saying something funny as a boy of about 6, a family friend told me: "Josiah, I bet you'll grow up to be a comedian." To which I replied: "But I'm already a Canadian!"

Usually this was only a problem with big words like "discombobulated, penultimate" and my personal favorite: "disraught" (a cross between the word "distraught" and the phrase "what hath thou wrought?") "Fired," although a very short word, seems to be causing me a bit of trouble at the moment. I thought I knew what it meant, but I guess still I misunderstood. I'm good at that.

I should be familiar enough with this problem just from my own friends' slips of phrase. Recently, a friend (who shall remain unnamed) was rather disraught (hee, hee, hee) and said he was wondering: "where do God and I stand?" I was rather shocked.

"Dude, whoa! Are you OK? Do you even know what that means?"

He said that he did, but his definition was most certainly NOT mine. I told him: "Ok, this is what I think of when I hear that phrase. Example, if some girl that I was dating or engaged to or whatever came up to me and said: 'Josiah, where do we stand now,' I would be preparing for the end of the relationship."

My friend was shocked: "No, no, no! That's not what I meant at all!" And then he went on to explain that he was just having a hard time struggling with sin and spiritual depression. Well, who doesn't have a down moment now and then? But doubting your faith in God (which is what I took him to mean) is something else entirely!

So... let me define my terms. I suppose by everyone else's definition, I was not "fired." I was not even a full employee yet. I was still in a three week period of paid training. At the end of those three weeks me and my boss had a little heart to heart. I am a big picture kind of guy, working at a winery requires that one be constantly consumed with the details, making it a full priority. I could not afford to do that. I have enough details in my head with Latin subjunctives and the mitochondria of animal cells. I left on good terms, no hostility, no anger... just a mutual realization that that wasn't where I should have been.

I'm an odd bat. I have strange definitions sometimes. I still think that spring starts in February, summer in May, autumn in August and winter in November. Often... VERY often, I must clarify and correct myself. Thanks for listening.

God bless your weekend,

JSTT

The Rain

Hello old friend

Constant

Steady

Leaving blood-like trails on the dirt stains of a crimson mini-van

Don't leave yet

Stay here

Wash me clean

Wash us all

Wash us all away

I'll rejoice in others' contentment

Just don't leave

Don't Look Away

Sit down on the porch

Ignore the sunset

Ignore the raspberry sorbet bleeding over the grassy knolls

Go ahead

I won't mind

But I can't look away

I can't be blind

I look and look and look

And then I find

What I was searching so long for

But all you've found is something to hate and abhor

Turn away if you must

Burn the fire to dust

To it you will return

But I will move on

Long after you've met your end

I'll be following a tale that will never end

I'll go on

I'll go on

To discover a kingdom that will be the death of me

It will be my salvation

It will be my glory

I wish I could open your eyes so you could see it

But I can't do that

You have to feel it

I'm praying He'll open your eyes

That you'll be freed from all your lies

The damp dark cage you built

The sword you plunged into your chest

Up to the hilt

Pull it out

Wipe off the blood

Get washed away in the flood

Of the world I know

Of the life I see

Of what we could one day be

Yet... Not At All

I could be pretentious

Oh, I could do it oh so well

I could take the blame for all your pain

And tell you I cracked the Liberty Bell

Just hypothesizing

It's so close to justifying

Yet not at all

Steeped it a quagmire of pop culture fizz

I believe this makes me eclectic

Perhaps even eccentric

Yet not at all

I down pounds of processed sugar everyday

I say it's for a reason

The feeling

That I get when I actually ingest healthy food makes it all worth it

Yet not at all

I consume a steady diet of socially acceptable violence

In the form of words and pixels

Socially acceptable being key phrase

Yet not at all

I think that I have something relevant to say

Something that will affect you

Perhaps radically change your perspective on life

What did I say about being pretentious?

Yet not at all

Am I defined by this hopeless quest for self-gratification and validation?

Am I compelled to be this quivering mess of reaching, grasping introspection?

Am I finished?

No, not at all

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow

Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye heavenly host

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

And that is all

Soapbox

Set the box on the corner

Stand up, a global amphitheater

A podium, a church, a strip bar

The communists and optimists and misogynists congregate

We get together and conjugate

We promote hope and spread the hate

Striving, struggling, talking to no one in particular

Just trying to convince myself that I can change this

Not just myself

I'm wrong

Dead wrong

Dead as a mouse in a trap

Crushed, neck snapped

I can't pull myself up by my laces

No matter if they're my Chucks or my boots

It won't work

And you can't help

Best you can do is want this pill bug roll around in a space vast and great

The harder I try, the more I solidify

Cramping into my shell

My fellow bugs tell me to look up

At the sky, the sun, the birds

The predators and the prey

The April rains the buds of May

The ants and termites tell me how I can be a man

Scream out in my little bug voice

Recognize what I am

Then I can be something else

Once I die

Once I die

Once I die

Then I rise

As long as I direct my words in the correct direction

God, pick up my boot straps

Give me new shoes

Some that were meant for walking

The kind that bring good news

Not the kind that wander into dens and pits and pens

Not the ones that track in trash and muck

I'm stepping down

Off the box

And following someone else

A more in depth introduction to Max Bemis

A Very Short Introduction to Max Bemis

I love Max Bemis. Like bromance kind love... well, more like massive respect kind of love.

I don't know the man personally, but I do know him in that fake way that you feel like you kind of know celebrities... Twitter helps too. Anyway, Max is the lead singer of a band named "Say Anything." I heard about his band some years ago when they released their first album: "...Is a Real Boy." Once I found out that their first single was called "Wow... I Can Get Sexual Too" I was instantly turned off.

So I forgot about them for quite sometime. Years down the road I was listening to a lot of Eisley, a band from Texas composed of three sisters, their brother and a cousin. Their parents are their managers, and they were homeschooled Christians. Plus their music is just really cool.

Well, this past fall, I found out that the girl who plays lead guitar for Eisley married Max Bemis... the lead singer of Say Anything, and the bands were doing a tour together. "Why? Why???" I asked myself. Well, there was only one thing to do... figure out what she could see in a guy like Max Bemis. And I found plenty.

Right now Max is a nominally Messianic Jew, with suppressed bi-polar syndrome. He's a bit nuts. But his new album, "Self-titled," expressed how much he has changed since the release of his first album, "A Real Boy." It's a transition from self-loathing, drug addiction, rage, bitterness and lust to an attitude of thankfulness, penitence, love for his new wife, and the hope he has found in Christ.

What really cemented my respect for him however was an interweb incident that occurred last night that reflected my own missteps on the webernets. A Twitter post by Max took a jab at another band member from New Found Glory. A bit later, Max put up another post that was rather longer (read it here) that explained and apologized for his actions. Apparently one of the members of New Found Glory had written a song taking pot shots at Max's wife. That really sent him over the edge, but he felt like he ought to explain himself and apologize for getting angry in such a public way. Sound familiar?

He seems like one of the few celebrities that wants his fans to keep him accountable for what he does, and wants to explain himself when he does something that he thinks is justified. I want to support someone who does that. Especially someone who does that in the punk rock industry.

Yeah, he still swears... yeah, he's still a little rough around the edges... But wasn't the Apostle Paul?

JSTT